Just a place for me to let out everything I feel for you and things that remind me of us. Reminders of and conversations with you.
I want you so bad. We saw each other only two days ago and already I’m missing you. I can’t force you but I hope to call you mine one day. I’ll be yours, if you let me.
Morning message…
We had dinner on Wednesday night after more than a month of not seeing each other. It really was a case of busy schedules and conflicting interests… and you being a flake occasionally. We had fun that night, but I’ll go into detail on that in another entry.
That morning itself, however, I woke up to a message from you. That really took me by surprise since you don’t do that anymore. You stopped doing that for awhile now, since probably October or so last year and I really really missed it so much. It’s just nice to be thought of in the morning, as one of the first things you do.
The content of the message was totally irrelevant and insignificant, but I do love that you thought of me and it reminded you of me. Sure, you had to wake up early that day because of work… but, thanks for the thought. I really appreciate it.
It’s past my bedtime and I should be sleeping now since the work week looms tomorrow. But as I stubbornly stay up, knowing that I will regret my decision tomorrow to watch New Girl, I’ve come to a part-realization, part-conclusion. As much I really do want us to work out and be together, as much as I love you and want you to be happy. Maybe I’m just not the lucky one to be your source of happiness. It hurts and kills me like crazy to feel like this but that’s the way life has decided to deal us our lot.
Maybe it’s time to set you free and let you go. It’s time for you to fly and for me to be on my own again. It saddens and pains me so greatly to have to do this but I honestly do not see it happening at least any time soon. I love you, a hell lot but we just do not seem to be meant for each other, at least for now. Maybe someday, but now, unlikely. Do I hold out hope that someday we’ll be given a shot, hell yes. But I don’t know. All I know now is, I don’t want to be feeling this way anyway more. I don’t want to be pining for you, worrying about you and feeling so, so insecure about myself and of us, when there isn’t an us. If we are meant to be, it shouldn’t and wouldn’t be this way. It will take me time, but I know I will get there.
You will always own a special place in my heart and I still wish to have you in my life and as I, yours. Please, please don’t be a stranger but don’t be cruel either. At the end of it all, know that my feelings for you were and still are true. I still do and probably always will love you. Maybe we will get a second chance one day, I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed. But in the meantime, the saying goes, ‘If you love somebody, let him go. If he comes back to you, he’s yours.’ I’m letting you go, slowly. I can pray for you to come back to me, but please, be happy and just know that I’ll always be here for you. Always. No matter what.
Sometimes, you have to believe that letting go is for the best to be happy again. There’s so many other things in life to be happy and grateful for; and that maybe, sometime later on, the stars will align and the universe will show you that it all works out in the end. That maybe the timing just wasn’t right the first time round and that the second coming will be so much better and more worthwhile. There will be greater meaning to it and if it’s meant to be, it will find its way back to you in the end.
Perhaps, both of us need to be happy again and Life will work its own magic.
Baby I love you so much and missing you badly. Where are you? You know I’ll be over in a heartbeat.
Where are you baby? I miss you so much.
No one has gotten to me the way you do.
NIGHTNIGHT by DEDDY
